Just had one of those moments with Hannah that are priceless. Moments of deep conversation. I’m so amazed at her emotional awareness and tender heart. We talked about what it’s like in that deep pit of anxiety and depression as a teenager when you are so caught up inside yourself that you are afraid to speak or participate or even be seen. But inside herself she became acutely aware of what was going on around her. She made mental notes to herself about what she would never do and what should never be done to another person. What hurts and what heals.
Now that she has become able to see the beauty of life again she said she understands that things, in that state, are not as they seem.
We both recall the night when in a deep pit of depression Hannah reached out to some “so called friends” and they relentlessly pushed her to the edge via text messaging, telling her that she was just an attention whore and she wasn’t depressed. Hannah did the right thing by reaching out for help but ignorance told her she was faking it, to pull herself up and stop demanding attention. And it went on and on until my son stepped in and took her phone.
We got much needed help and support from our church family but we also got a list of things we could have done to allow the devil in-road to our daughter bringing this depression. I was told to see if I had any unconfessed sins or un-renounced involvement that could have brought a curse into our lives. So in an exhausting attempt to free her from this we rebuked, renounced, covered and confessed whatever we thought would work. There would be relief for a time and then it would come back.
Finally after loud times of asking God why us, we tithe, we volunteer, we are the faithful ones, why us? I cried, yelled, and after doing all I could do, gave up. That’s when my attention was turned back to Jesus. That’s when I remembered the cross and the finished work and I was introduced to teachers like Dr. Farley and Creflo Dollar who showed me the truth of the New Covenant. Suddenly I was quiet long enough to hear the spirit say take her out of that school and check her hormones.
There wasn’t so much a miraculous deliverance needed as there were physical needs that had to be met. Now that those needs are being addressed she is my beautiful baby girl once again. Smart, quick witted and intuitive.
Watching a YouTube video of a bunch of middle school kids abuse a 20 year old autistic man brings her tears. She mentions it over and over because it bothers her so badly. She said mom, how could anyone at any age justify such an act in their mind? We talked about how grateful we are to the internet because now, that behavior can be exposed. Understanding that middle school ignorance and religious ignorance are both equally as damaging has helped us to grasp the need for a true revelation of grace in everyone’s life.
When young people are taught Grace and the power of God’s plan of redemption for ALL who believe there can be a revolution of love toward others that can change the world. When the church realizes what really happened at the cross they would see that Jesus bore any and every curse for us and put an end to the curse mentality. This would change our ideas that God owes us something for the good that we do and that it’s not my sin that brought some kind of Godly wrath on me.
This new covenant revolution is necessary to see our world change. It’s this new thing called “Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself”. Not because you’re taught to love as a rule but as a natural outgrowth of understanding. It’s the fruit from the tree of the life that is in our spirit, and it changes our lives in the most practical of ways.
Wynema Clark
September 11, 2014
Life Without Definition 