Addiction, Enjoy The Journey, Life, Poetry, Recovery, Rise, Uncategorized

A Mom’s Journey of Recovery

For the cause of “good” came destruction.

For the cause of “making things better” they became worse.

For the cause of right came chaos.

Within the chaos, I tried to fix.

What I tried to fix remained broken.

What I tried to control remained immature and fought me for freedom.

Then I became aware of my own insanity.

By admitting it I became sane.

By letting go came freedom.

By setting setting free came maturity.

By admitting wrong came humility.

By accepting humility I welcomed help from a Higher Power.

It gave me strength in my weakness.

It gave me wisdom in my ignorance.

It gave me love and compassion instead of judgement.

And it gave her wings.

And it gave her freedom to go on her own journey.

And permission for me to get out of the way and let it happen.

 

Wynema Clark – 2/20/2019 

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Commentary, Cross, Life, Religious, Short Story

Words, Honesty, Apology, Grace

Here’s a bit of brutal honesty. Try as I may, I seem to say something dumb at least once a week. It’s not intentional. It’s born of frustration or emotion and although it’s hard to admit, sometimes it’s just ignorance. Am I alone in this? I think not…I hope not.

The most challenging times are in the passenger seat while my daughter is driving, or in a department store trying to convince her that the lesser expensive pair of sweatpants are equally as good as the ridiculously expensive sweatpants. Truth be told, the expensive sweatpants are probably better, but heck, they are sweatpants and they are ridiculously expensive! So in the heat of the argument I say something that seems appropriate to me but painfully hurtful to her.

Unfortunately my brain doesn’t register, “inappropriate” until she hits back with a verbal upper cut. Suddenly we both find ourselves suffering from emotional internal bleeding. Then it all goes quiet and I know I’ve done it again. I know I’ve spoken out of the heat of the moment instead of the truth.

Once the arguing stops, I explain my point of view. We argue some more and finally I apologize…again. I say “again” because this ain’t my first rodeo. Once we stop and listen to each other, I mean really hear each other out, it ends up in forgiveness. But there is still a deep sense of shame and regret that I’m not aware enough to avoid these mis-steps.

Then I think about my Heavenly Father and the fact that His plan made allowance for my humanity. As if He knew somehow that in the eons of time Wynema and Hannah would need a lot of grace. That because of the blood of Jesus I am allowed to make mistakes and my daughter is allowed to desire the expensive sweatpants and I am allowed to tell her “no”. The emotions of the moment are still real, the words just as painful. But at least I know it’s going to be good, it’s all ok. I think as His grace is working in me, it can work through me toward Hannah or whomever happens to need it at the moment. And hopefully through Hannah toward me who need grace quit consistently. I’m growing, she’s growing, all God’s children should be growing in Grace.

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